Archive for the ‘RANDUMB’ Category

Damn, damn, daaaaaaaammmmn son!  We tried to take mercy on these New York Jets, we really did.  The schedule was over, mercifully, they missed the playoffs and we’re free to fall back and hide for a minute.  But if we’ve learned anything about these J-E-T-S since Rex Ryan came to town, besides the fact that they S-U-C-K, it’s they flatly refuse NOT to be a laughing stock.

Ryan, on vacation with his wife somewhere, was snapped up by paparazzi.  Why anyone wants a picture of this sloppy joker and his wife after their weirdness hit the net a few years ago is  beyond me.

How this cat still has a job is beyond me too, but check out the tattoo on his arm  the photogs flicked up:

Wooooooow my nigga!  You tatted your wife on your arm, which is nothing out of the ordinary.  But you tatted your bum ass quarterback’s  jersey on her?  And is it me, or is she Tebow-ing?!

Where do we start?  This is a hard, HARD, loss here on so many levels.  Not only is Mark Sanchez so trash that he’s almost cost Rex his job, but just the principle behind the tattoo is disturbing.  You tatted another man on your body.  Over your wife.  What. The. Fuck?

Mark was a ladies man back in the day at USC(probably not as much now, as we’ve all seen him play), and we already know all the hoes love Tebow.  Is it a reach to conclude the tattoo gives these two replacement player 2nd string quarterbacks permission to tattoo Rex’s wife?  I don’t know y’all, but I can envision such a scenario!

You saw the foot fetish video- I totally see the Ryan’s being the type of jumps that throw watch parties and all that freaky shit!  That, I actually salute Rex for!  A happy wife is a happy life, and how many hoes can say they’ve been rented out to superman, savage ass NFL players?  We aren’t talking these frail ass NBA niggas or the dirty redneck baseball players here!

To our estimation, this is something to keep an eye on.  We’re going to try to leave the Jets alone until August, but if Ryan and Sanchez pop up with chlamydia or some shit, we know what time it is!

It’s 1999 and How to Rob has the buzz of Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, at a fever pitch.  The song was featured on the soundtrack for the hit movie In Too Deep, and was supposed to be the lead single for his upcoming album Power of the Dollar.

9 shots later (or 4? or 3?), all that shit is over with.  Jackson was shot in front of his grandmother’s house in Jamaica, Queens and whatever buzz he built up was for naught.  He would have to start from scratch.

Years later, after flooding the underground circuit with classic mixtapes and trolling Murda Inc. to their demise, 50 successfully reestablished that street buzz and turned it into a lucrative recording contract with Eminem, under Interscope records.  Wanksta and In Da Club blew his buzz through the roof and suddenly, it became the coolest thing ever to get shot a bunch of times and survive!  The ensuing album, Get Rich or Die Trying, reached Diamond status worldwide (10MM sold) and 50 was the illest, dopest, hardest, gangsterist, and smartest nigga to have ever worn a durag under a fitted in public!

Unfortunately, he couldn’t pause time there.  In 2005, The Massacre dropped and though he did great numbers, Fif saw a huge decline in album sales.  Lyrical sparring with the likes of Game, Fat Joe, and Jadakiss left 50 critically wounded in the streets, on wax.  Fast forward to 2007.

While 50 talked greasy at New York’s hip hop radio station Hot97, Cam’Ron called in and hilariously grand-slammed the remaining fragments of 50’s street appeal(YouTube it fool).  The highlight of Cam’s spazzing was the way he mockingly called Jackson out by his government, Curtiiiiiiiiiiss, and eventually drove the point home in a diss song that was soon to follow.  The Curtis movement picked up such momentum in the streets that even 50 had to pay homage, choosing to use his name as the title for his next album.

While the album, again, did relatively good numbers, it sold 9 million less copies than his classic GRODT album had years earlier.  The music was also just a notch or two above weed-plate, and that’s being generous.  Since that time, 50 has dropped another album no one cared about, a few songs, a “free album” and has shamelessly latched on to Floyd Mayweather in an effort to tap into the boxing fan base.  In the end, Mayweather cut him off and ever since 50 has used every interview to drop Floyd’s name and gain publicity.  He was last seen hanging from wires, high above a crowd of people at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas who couldn’t have given less fucks about anything Curtis was rapping about.  His failure was so pronounced it even rubbed off on Manny Pacquiao, who was knocked smooth out by Juan Manuel Marquez later that night.  It was a putrid attempt at attaining relevance and an all-around embarrassment on every possible level.  Which brings us to our main point.

50-Cent-performing-Marquez-Pacquiao-fight-f-e1355082207783

With his next album, Street King Immortal, being prepped for release in the near future, should 50 Cent body himself to get his buzz back?  Think about it.  He’s done it all, he’s been through it all- what else is left?  He’s started rap beef with everyone, he hopped on 24/7 to hold Floyd’s ankles as he did sit ups, he tried to buzz off of French Montana by overreacting to a true and harmless statement, he’s forced himself onto Chief Keef so aggressively, that Keef had to trick Fif into meeting him in the desert, and leave him hanging out there stranded, in order to get 50 off of his leg without having to hit him with that Cobra!  50 has literally tried EVERYTHING!

Except for one thing.  Getting shot and almost dying made Fif hot once upon a time, let’s keep it funky.  Imagine how big he’d be if he held a nationally televised concert on top of a cranky volcano- then jumped IN that shit as he was performing In Da Club?!?!?!  It would be the wildest concert in hip-hop history and 50 would be even bigger than he was in 2001.  The residual effect could even mean more gold albums for Lloyd Banks and Tony Yayo!  Maybe Fif’s dip in some molten lava would set off a chain of events so trill that it would, somehow, spring Young Buck from jail, get 40 Glocc poppin, and bring the G-Unit clothing line back to Dr. Jay’s!

50 Cent, love him or hate him, is a boss and an innovator.  If anyone were to make such a shrewd and calculated business move, you figure it would be Fif and it would set the standard for the next wave of rappers.  We don’t need to go to the Candy Shop or hear about a Hustler’s Ambition in 2012 my g, just jump out of a G4 with no parachute!  That shit would be craaaaaazy!  But, as usual in regards to 50, crazy like a fox.  While we’re sitting back thinking the joke is on him, the 50 Cent estate generates billions of dollars.

Floyd Mayweather once said, “If it makes dollars, it makes sense,” and no one makes more cents or sense than a motivated Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson!

YOU’RE WELCOME…

Posted: December 8, 2012 in RANDUMB

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